Oh, yeah. I almost forgot.
I stuttered today. I didn't stutter too bad and I am not worried about it. I stutter everyday, but everyday is a beatiful day even if the weather really sucks. I think the weather in the Bay area will start to get better in a couple of month.
I guess another new year's resolution for me is to achieve CTM (or come very close) in TM by the end of 2004. A CTM would be a meaningful accomplishment for me and good for my employer to know and good for my resume. Communication is important whatever you do in life. Communication is important even if you are a stutterer. Communication is important even if you hate yourself. Like I said, i don't want to hate myself anymore in 2004, I can always triple the hate in 2005.
Saturday, January 03, 2004
Life is terrific because I have amnesia and don't remember past evil deeds
Quote: "Stuttering is not who I am, it is just something I do. I have no control over it."
At http://www.russhicks.com, Russ Hicks said: "Life is terrrrrrrrific!"
I am glad that I started blogging. I don't think I will only talk about stuttering in my journal because I am not just a stutterer. A stutterer stutters, but he or she is not just a stutterer. For example, a teacher teaches, but he/she only teaches 8 hrs a day. I am a stutterer, but I don't just stutter, I am also a hard working lab assistant.
Am I afraid if anyone will see this, probably my family or my relatives whom I don't plan to talk to or see again for a long, long time. I want to live my own life, and they can live their own life. I don't think my supervisor, my coworkers, or people I know will see this, but if they do see it, so be it. I don't think I will talk shit about them too much. Like I said, stuttering.blogspot.com is just for me. I hope I don't get tired of blogging soon
This guy (interpreter) is able to express some of my personal feelings about stuttering and what stuttering is like. http://www.biocom-jp.com/weblog/archives/000120.php
Interpreter: I stutter, which is a funny habit for an interpreter to have. Sometimes I stutter badly, and it can take 10 seconds or so to get the word out, and I make funny choking noises in the process. I usually don't, though. Or rather, I usually don't stutter so that people notice. In fact, I'm stuttering basically every time I open my mouth, even if the person I'm talking to has no idea. How can this be? I'm constantly thinking ahead in the sentence to anticipate which words I will stutter on, and figuring how to get around them. Often I will choose another word in advance, and avoid the landmine that way. Other times I'll change my breathing pattern so that the word begins on slight inbreath, which can mitigate the stutter. Thus, the first syllable of a lot of the words I speak is slurred ever-so-faintly, but not enough for the person I'm talking to to notice unless they're super-perceptive. Once in a while I'll be talking to someone who notices my stutter even though I haven't made any obvious slips, and my regard for their intelligence goes way up.
In this way I think stuttering is like being an alcoholic. They say that you're an alcoholic until the day you die, even if you never have another drink. It's constant presence, a constant shadow. Stuttering is like that. It's something I navigate all the time. The fact that I usually do it so transparently it isn't noticeable to others is immaterial. I'm still stuttering.
The interesting thing about interpreting is that' it's like acting. You enter a totally different frame of mind where your voice basically acts on its own, while your brain is slightly disconnected. You can't think about interpreting when you do it, or else you will suck. Once I get in this zone, I almost never stutter even on sounds that are usually problematic. On the other side, interpreting often requires you to say very specific words in very specific sequences, which nullifies the strategy I usually use of selecting words to avoid certain ones. Usually being in the interpreting mindset alleviates this problem, but sometimes the knowledge of an approaching problematic word is enough to kill my concentration and yank me back to my everyday speech pattern. At this point I'll stutter noticeably, people will wonder that the fuck but be polite, and everything will continue. If that only happens once or twice, I consider myself successful.
Maybe I will introduce myself in the future as "Rick Huang is my name, and I am a recovering stutterer."
I am going to bed now. Tomorrow is another bright and beautiful day.
At http://www.russhicks.com, Russ Hicks said: "Life is terrrrrrrrific!"
I am glad that I started blogging. I don't think I will only talk about stuttering in my journal because I am not just a stutterer. A stutterer stutters, but he or she is not just a stutterer. For example, a teacher teaches, but he/she only teaches 8 hrs a day. I am a stutterer, but I don't just stutter, I am also a hard working lab assistant.
Am I afraid if anyone will see this, probably my family or my relatives whom I don't plan to talk to or see again for a long, long time. I want to live my own life, and they can live their own life. I don't think my supervisor, my coworkers, or people I know will see this, but if they do see it, so be it. I don't think I will talk shit about them too much. Like I said, stuttering.blogspot.com is just for me. I hope I don't get tired of blogging soon
This guy (interpreter) is able to express some of my personal feelings about stuttering and what stuttering is like. http://www.biocom-jp.com/weblog/archives/000120.php
Interpreter: I stutter, which is a funny habit for an interpreter to have. Sometimes I stutter badly, and it can take 10 seconds or so to get the word out, and I make funny choking noises in the process. I usually don't, though. Or rather, I usually don't stutter so that people notice. In fact, I'm stuttering basically every time I open my mouth, even if the person I'm talking to has no idea. How can this be? I'm constantly thinking ahead in the sentence to anticipate which words I will stutter on, and figuring how to get around them. Often I will choose another word in advance, and avoid the landmine that way. Other times I'll change my breathing pattern so that the word begins on slight inbreath, which can mitigate the stutter. Thus, the first syllable of a lot of the words I speak is slurred ever-so-faintly, but not enough for the person I'm talking to to notice unless they're super-perceptive. Once in a while I'll be talking to someone who notices my stutter even though I haven't made any obvious slips, and my regard for their intelligence goes way up.
In this way I think stuttering is like being an alcoholic. They say that you're an alcoholic until the day you die, even if you never have another drink. It's constant presence, a constant shadow. Stuttering is like that. It's something I navigate all the time. The fact that I usually do it so transparently it isn't noticeable to others is immaterial. I'm still stuttering.
The interesting thing about interpreting is that' it's like acting. You enter a totally different frame of mind where your voice basically acts on its own, while your brain is slightly disconnected. You can't think about interpreting when you do it, or else you will suck. Once I get in this zone, I almost never stutter even on sounds that are usually problematic. On the other side, interpreting often requires you to say very specific words in very specific sequences, which nullifies the strategy I usually use of selecting words to avoid certain ones. Usually being in the interpreting mindset alleviates this problem, but sometimes the knowledge of an approaching problematic word is enough to kill my concentration and yank me back to my everyday speech pattern. At this point I'll stutter noticeably, people will wonder that the fuck but be polite, and everything will continue. If that only happens once or twice, I consider myself successful.
Maybe I will introduce myself in the future as "Rick Huang is my name, and I am a recovering stutterer."
I am going to bed now. Tomorrow is another bright and beautiful day.
Life is really too short
This will be a quick entry. I have to wake up at 9AM to attend TM. This journal is just for me. People and strangers might see my journal in the future, and I don't care. Maybe they can learn something interesting about my life, and stuttering. I will occasionally try to make it entertaining. Because this is public, I won't be sharing my ATM password or my secret hatred of certain kinds of people. I can be homophobic and I can be a little racist sometimes.
I was inspired to start a journal by reading about the death of a writer named Dunne (Dunne developed a stutter in his childhood and found it easier to express himself in writing) and http://www.mankato.msus.edu/comdis/isad4/papers/tetnowski.html
Since subscribing to the SF chronicle, I have had the chance to read the obiturary section, death notices of some people I don't know. From the information given, I read about their lives and I think about my life (my dreams?) and what I want to accomplish and do in my life. Life is indeed short. I know I probably won't live past 55, so this means I only have about 30 years to live. 30 years is a long time. I am only 23 now, going to turn 24 in March. Life for me began in 1980, but I would have been happy if life for me began in 2004.
My new year's resolution is to not hate myself. I can always hate myself in 2005. So this means postive thinking and no more negative self talk. Hate is baggage. I have tried to keep a journal in the past. Sometimes I write on my computer, but I wish I write in my journal more often. Maybe doing blogging will help me. This journal is just for me. People say that you should admit to yourself and other people that you stutter, this is called disclosure. You tell people that you are a stutterer, because you disclose for you, and not for other people. Life is too important and too short worrying about what other people think.
I chose stuttering.blogspot.com because I have always felt that stuttering to be a taboo subject. It is like homosexuality, a hush-hush subject. For example, People don't ask/mention/talk about your stuttering (your personal speech problem) because they are afraid to embarrass you, or they don't care. Some people refer to stuttering as the pink elephant in the room that everyone sees but is not talk about. People don't ask about your stuttering just like people don't ask about how much you weigh if you are really fat. I am not making much, sense. I will explain better (to myself) in the future.
I was inspired to start a journal by reading about the death of a writer named Dunne (Dunne developed a stutter in his childhood and found it easier to express himself in writing) and http://www.mankato.msus.edu/comdis/isad4/papers/tetnowski.html
Since subscribing to the SF chronicle, I have had the chance to read the obiturary section, death notices of some people I don't know. From the information given, I read about their lives and I think about my life (my dreams?) and what I want to accomplish and do in my life. Life is indeed short. I know I probably won't live past 55, so this means I only have about 30 years to live. 30 years is a long time. I am only 23 now, going to turn 24 in March. Life for me began in 1980, but I would have been happy if life for me began in 2004.
My new year's resolution is to not hate myself. I can always hate myself in 2005. So this means postive thinking and no more negative self talk. Hate is baggage. I have tried to keep a journal in the past. Sometimes I write on my computer, but I wish I write in my journal more often. Maybe doing blogging will help me. This journal is just for me. People say that you should admit to yourself and other people that you stutter, this is called disclosure. You tell people that you are a stutterer, because you disclose for you, and not for other people. Life is too important and too short worrying about what other people think.
I chose stuttering.blogspot.com because I have always felt that stuttering to be a taboo subject. It is like homosexuality, a hush-hush subject. For example, People don't ask/mention/talk about your stuttering (your personal speech problem) because they are afraid to embarrass you, or they don't care. Some people refer to stuttering as the pink elephant in the room that everyone sees but is not talk about. People don't ask about your stuttering just like people don't ask about how much you weigh if you are really fat. I am not making much, sense. I will explain better (to myself) in the future.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)