ViGGO Mortensen and life is short

From Viggo Mortensen:

"I KNOW THAT LIFE IS SHORT"

"I knew early on that life is sorrowful,"

"We all decline, slowly or quickly, and we die. We can't change that. but we can change our attitude toward it."

"We each have only a limited amount of time here. We have to do more with it-pay attention, explore, be open to all of life. Be cause we have only one chance, we have to make life seem longer than it really is."

I don't like my neighbor

My neighbor is really awful. I won't waste anymore time on her.

My advice: stay away from stupid people. Don't waste your time....not worth it.

She needs to learn some respect. She is a really angry person...

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Final post

This is my final post (hopefully). Because life is short, can't waste too much time!!!

My favorite quote: the French laugh in order not to cry.

Ken Jennings finally lost on Jeopardy.

Cal in Rose Bowl?

I guess I hate my job, but I hate not having a job even more (and the dreaded job interviews). I won't resign for now, but I can say F U. Maybe quit sometime in 2005.

some people you can't help but really hate/dislike

1. You will have gold pieces by the bushel 7 12 15 36 39. 21

2. Buy a small gift for someone who did something thoughtful for you 2 18 21 36 40. 19

3. In all things success depends on preparation; without it there is failure
22 15 26 19 24 1

4. NEWS OF AN OLD SWEETHEART WHO STILL THINKS MUCH OF YOU

Bush is winning!

Don't be surprised if there is 4 more years of Bush. Four more years until 2008.

I had cashew chicken for lunch today. Naturally, I ate the fortune cookie.

FC: An ounce of gold cannot buy an ounce of time. (True, but money is everything)

Lucky numbers: 13, 17, 20, 21, 26, 38

Yanks 4, Socks 5

FC: Many a false step is made by standing still.

5, 12, 16, 31, 35. 17

FCs and Oct 22 is ISAD

FC: If you feel you are right, stand firmly by your convictions.

FC: A THRILLING TIME IS IN YOUR IMMEDIATE FUTURE

FC: With ambition and hard work, onc can reach any goal.

FC: YOU ARE BRIGHT AND WITTY

FC: Your winsome smile will b your sure protection

Lucky Numbers 2, 4, 11, 14, 18, 32

Just Live with it

The key word is: LIVE

Charles Barkley once yelled: "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!!"

A thrilling time is in your immediate future (fortune cookie quote)

The top 10 places to retire are:
1. Florence, Oregon
2. Scottsdale, Arizona
3. Charleston, South Carolina
4. Melbourne-Palm Bay, Florida
5. North County San Diego, California
6. Tucson, Arizona
7. Medford-Ashland, Oregon
8. Lake Winnipesaukee, New Hampshire
9. Daytona Beach, Florida
10. Fayetteville, Arkansas

The irony of stuttering

Because this is a stutterer's journal, I should talk about stuttering related news

Bad News: Stephen Hood (not pws) of South Alabama got busted for child pornography. I heard the news just a few days ago. Who would have thought?
Anyway, he is professor no more (forced retirement). Will I ever see him? Probably not. Not a good way to end an otherwise distinguished career.

Good News: No good news. I went to NSA in June, missed FRIENDS in July (had a work conflict), goes to a lot of South Bay meetings. Probably will go to SF eventually. Sac is hard because of the shitty traffic and their meeting starts at 7 PM. I leave at 5:05 and still won't make it. Will have to leave at 4:30 PM. But I don't want to lose my job for any reason. Almost got fired on June 30th. That would have really sucked. There are only two tragedies in life, not getting what you want and getting what you want.

Any job is a good job, and I plan to work until I am 70 (that is a promise for now). The lab job pays something and you have to do something because everyday is 24 hours. Looking for a job is especially hard for me because I am fucked up (not really good on the phone, low self-esteem, and fucked up mentally). I probably move to Nevada if I don't have a job. Basically I must remember that I am TIRED of homework and looking for a job. A job is a job.

Kevin Kline in the movie Dave. "I have a job, I have a job"
Having a job is better than not having a job, no matter what.

One of my many dreams is to see a TM club for pws in the Bay area one day. They have one in Dallas, TX. We should have one in the SF bay area. One of the ironies of stuttering is that the problem goes away when you don't care about it anymore. Translation: you don't stutter anymore when you don't care about whether you stutter or not. Accept yourself as a stutterer. That is so hard.

Monday Monday

Today, I was at downtown oakland for like an hour and accomplished nothing. Usually I eat lunch at the lab on site cafe, but today was different. I was prepared to tell people that I was taking my lunch break if anyone asked. No one asked.

I wasted one hour for nothing because I got there too late. They were supposed to have a demonstration of anti-stuttering device. I was curious, and it is good to admit to myself and others that I do stutter and it is a problem sometimes. Anyway, I got there too late and the vendor (Thomas David Kehoe) and all the people had gone to lunch. I was told...

So shit, and I pumped a car today in Oakland trying to park my. Almost hit and run, but it was just a pump, nothing serious and no evidence. Like I told myself in the past: always be prepared and always be organized. Weather good today, a little hot, but that is expected because it is still summer. Rather be hot than cold.

Wasting time is okay, just don't waste too much time.

THE END (of the late late show with Craig Kilborn)

I guess no more 5 questions, but who is next (the replacement for Kilborn)???

Fortune cookie quote (from Panda express):

USE YOUR NATURAL TALENTS TO OBTAIN MORE

This is the end; but (in a way it is) a new beginning...

LIU XIANG IS THE MAN

Sporting news: The Chinese national anthem exhorts the masses to "Arise! Arise! Arise!" and their athletes did just that Friday with two stunning track golds.

Liu Xiang, who won the men's 110 meters hurdles in a world record-equaling time of 12.91 seconds, said: "My victory has proved that athletes with yellow skin can run as fast as those with black and white skin."


With Beijing hosting the next Olympics in 2008 and China eager to show its global clout, he said of his win: "This is a miracle but I believe a lot more miracles will take place in China."


One of the biggest shocks Friday evening was provided by China's unheralded Xing Huina who pounced to land the women's 10,000 meters final.


She may run awkwardly with her arms beside her but she put the pride of Ethiopia firmly in their place.


Ethiopia's Ejegayehu Dibaba was left stunned in second place because she had thought Xing was a lapped runner and that Ethiopia had swept the medals.


Finally convinced by officials of her fatal error, Dibaba said: "I didn't see where the Chinese girl came from. Had I known I would have put in more effort and passed her."


Britain's Paula Radcliffe, who dropped out of the marathon in tears last Sunday, tried in vain to revive her disastrous Olympics but pulled out with nine laps to go.

No more postings for a while

Stuttering is only a small percentage of my life. 30% of my life is work, 40% is sleep, the other 30% is everything else (TV, eat, shit, read, talk, drive, run, shower, and etc). So this means that stuttering must be less than 10%. The major irony is that the problem goes away when you no longer care or are less concerned about it. This is why I believe so much in voluntary stuttering. If you are not afraid of stuttering, then you don't have a stuttering problem.

The major highlight is that I went to Baltimore for the NSA convention (first time) at the end of June. It was a positive experience for 3 days. Met Russ Hicks, Lou Madonna, Fred Murrary, Ira Zimmerman, and many many other people. Joe Biden (a former stutterer) gave a good keynote speech. He said not to let stuttering define you. He also said to be realistic, using Cal Ripken as an example. "You will never hit a baseball like Cal Ripken"

Baltimore is my Staten Island. My family and I arrived in Baltimore when we came to the USA as immigrants. In a way, my trip to Baltimore is going back to where I am from.

No more East Bay meetings, I have been going to the San Jose chapter meetings. Will try to attend Sac and SF meetings. Still watch for John Melendez on the Jay Leno tonight show, and see if he will ever stutter on TV. The tv show-The amazing race, is cool.

Nothing special, except that I was sick for 10 days (today is the second to last day that I will be sick) and thought I got AIDS. The weather this week is foggy and more like fall than summer.

No more postings for a while, but I will say this: "what is life without hopes and dreams???"

RFK Quotes

RFK(1925-1968)

Robert F. Kennedy

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly....

Robert F. Kennedy

But suppose God is black? What if we go to Heaven and we, all our lives, have treated the Negro as an inferior, and God is there, and we look up and He is not white? What then is our response?...

Robert F. Kennedy

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation....

The French laugh in order not to cry

Keeping a diary is very important. That way, you don't have to remember everything.

Do you stutter? So do I

A CONVERSATION WITH MY STUTTER

If I appraise my life today...I must admit that it looks pretty good. However... that does not let you off the hook. You may have helped me to show empathy towards others, compassionate and friendly, you may have even led me to a career which I find quite fulfilling....but you also made my life hell.

It was because of you that I cried so many nights in bed. It was because of you that I stood shaking in my Junior High School gym shorts and T-shirt as I waited for the gym teacher to ask me my name...knowing that nothing would come out.

It was because of you that I was afraid to answer the telephone or talk about my day at school at the dinner table. It was you who made me feel like an idiot. It was because of you that I dreaded reading out loud so much that I would walk out of the room when the student in front of me began reading. I would wait in the bathroom until I was sure my turn was passed, feeling like a failure the entire time that I stared at myself in the mirror, as I washed my hands over and over; the smell of urine present while in the room, and in my mind for the rest of the class.

Then I got older... It was because of you that I took "English for potheads" instead of AP English where I would have had to orally present, even though the kids from all my other classes were there. It was because of you that I didn't call the women in my class I wanted to date. It was because of you that I would go out on a date (having asked the woman in person) and then not be able to call her back the next day. It was because of you that I never ran for school office or tried out for the school plays. It was because of you that I had to listen to someone else butcher a presentation I had written for a teacher at an award ceremony, because I was too frightened to do it myself. It was because of you that I felt that I just didn't add up in school.

You evil creature... you ruled my life for so many years. I was just a kid. How could you do that to me? I had done nothing to you. I was just an innocent kid. Yet you wrapped yourself so tightly around me that I couldn't escape.....that I almost gave up.

So... I must admit that the path you helped engineer has led me to nice place. However, you also blocked many other paths that I could have explored. So much else I could have seen, could have done, could have experienced... that you took from me. It is for this that I can not forgive you. I hated you then, and still hate you now. My God tells me that I am supposed to strive to be compassionate and forgiving. You may have taught me to be compassionate...but you didn't teach me well enough that I can feel compassion for the likes of you.

Remember the rule of Revenge...

1. Remember the rule of Revenge, don't get mad, get even.

2. The French laugh in order not to cry.

NSA update: for the month of March, attended last East Bay, went to SJ last night, SF tonight and ate with two other PWS, Sac next month and/or May.

My purpose for going to NSA meetings: just show up.

I am going to try and follow the NCAA Bball tournament.

Nice guys always finish last.

I was most improved speaker at TM

Everything happens in threes. Three fortune cookie quotes:

1. You will live a long, happy life.
2. Wisdom is acquired by experience, not just by age.
3. Your great attention to detail is both a blessing and a curse.

My comment: My favorite quote is still: Nothing is to be feared in life, it is only to be understood.

Examples of fears that people have: death, public speaking, telephone, looking stupid, the future, the past, and the present.

John Kerry won most of the battles and he is going to win the war. Bush is bad luck.
This month, the only NSA meeting I attended was the SF one, and I was late for that one.

Stuttering, Link, and Information

This is from Bill Parry's page on stuttering.

http://members.aol.com/wdparry/index.htm

Stuttering (sometimes called "stammering") is a specific kind of disfluency, in which the flow of speech tends to be involuntarily disrupted by forceful closures of the mouth or larynx, by repetitions or prolongations of sounds and syllables, or by hesitations or delays in making voiced sounds. Stuttering generally involves an excessive amount of effort, force, and struggle in the attempt to speak. It also may be accompanied by a variety of behaviors intended to avoid, postpone, or hide the blocks.

Stuttering, while not the worst of handicaps, certainly can be one of the most frustrating. Unlike other disabilities, stuttering has the mystifying and maddening habit of coming and going. Even if you stutter badly, chances are that you will be perfectly fluent when singing, talking in unison with other people, and in certain speaking situations. You may do a great job acting out a role on stage, but not be able to say your name when asked. You may begin telling a joke with perfect fluency, but not be able to deliver the punch line. You may have long stretches of fluency when it really doesn't matter. Then, just when the words are most important, stuttering jumps out of the closet and pins your speech to the ground.

Sheehan stuttering videos after thought

"Don't be afraid to take a chance"

I saw the two Sheehan stuttering videos a few days ago. Good vidoes, but I don't know how to describe them. There is a review at: http://home.pacbell.net/amickith/

If I were to say anything about the two videos: public awareness of stuttering is important. Stuttering is not a taboo subject. Also the use of voluntary stuttering in combination with the use of slides (prolongation of the first sound of every word?) can be used effectively to deal with stuttering.

Stuttering, Fear, and Avoidance (plus Guilt)

"old habits die hard"

My comment: "old habits die hard" is a perfect description for me. Once a stutterer, always a stutterer.

The New England Patriot's won the Super Bowl. It was a good game, especially towards the end.

Got the car repaired on Saturday. Smog check passed.

Saturday was a beautiful day.

Posting other people's stories

Life Lessons: Putting Stuttering into Perspective

by Candace Webster
from Michigan, USA

Life Lessons: Putting Stuttering into Perspective

I have stuttered as long as I can remember. For years stuttering dominated my every thought, career decision and waking moment. During my childhood, teen years and young adulthood, my life centered around my stuttering. However, in my mid-twenties I started experiencing, what I call, life lessons that helped me put my stuttering into a perspective that speech therapists, psychologists and family were never able show me.

In the years since I have learned that stuttering is not terminal. Stuttering is not life nor death. Stuttering is not the end of the world. Stuttering is simply a pain in the @#$%*. If a therapist would have said this to me 30 years ago, I’m certain I would have ran from the office in tears. Because at the time, stuttering was killing me. Not in the literal sense, of course, but with every difficult block a part of my soul died, or so I thought.

Fortunately the life lessons I mentioned before, have helped me put my stuttering into perspective. I no longer feel that my stuttering is life or death, end of the world or killing me a little bit at a time. My stuttering is now simply a personal fact, just like my blond hair, green eyes or big feet.

If you are a teen or adult stutterer, it is very likely you have experienced life lessons that can help you put your stuttering into perspective. You just have to be willing to accept the perspective and to use it to your advantage. This is my story on how I put my stuttering into perspective.

My picture-perfect world changed dramatically at 25. I had married my college sweetheart 5 years earlier and we lived on a small ranch in the foothills of Denver. He was a petroleum engineer and I worked part-time as a graphic artist. We had horses, a beautiful home and traveled extensively. One day I received a phone call that he died in an accident. Suddenly worrying about my stuttering was at the bottom-of-the-heap. It was no longer important. I grieved, I cried, but I survived. I had never experienced anything devastating in my life up until that point. Previously, my stuttering was my devastation and now that paled in comparison.

In the months and years following Grady’s death, I still thought of my stuttering and I considered myself a stutterer, but I now only stuttered if very tired, stressed or on the phone. Even then, my stuttering was moderate. Using the learned perspective, I could now control my stuttering, rather that allowing it to control me. Wow, what a lesson.

Nine years later I remarried. Jerry had attended seminary with a stutterer so he recognized my tricks and pattern of speech as those of a stutterer. But he didn’t care. He was the person that introduced me to the term "controlled stutterer." What a great term, at least for me. Yes, I did stutter, but to some extent I could control it.

After we had been married for about a year, and there was no pregnancy, we began infertility testing and treatment. After two miscarriages and our hopes shattered, we chose to apply for adoption. I just wanted to be a mom. I had always worried about being a stuttering mother and now I didn’t care if I was a stuttering mom, I just wanted to be a mom. Fortunately, we adopted our son Zachary quickly and 14 months later I became pregnant with our youngest son, Nate. Our sons are now 9 and 11. Another life lesson: being a mother is more important than me stuttering.

Throughout these years I worked full-time at very fulfilling positions. I had moved from graphic arts to publication management at a university. I made more money than my husband (okay, I admit it...it was a great ego boost), I developed a national reputation for university print management knowledge and presented workshops on print management at national conferences. On most days my stuttering was a non-issue. There were bad stuttering days, but those were few. At the end of a long tiring day at work, I would come home and have difficulty with consonants, but I was at home and it wasn’t bothersome. Another life lesson: loving my career was more important than stuttering.

In 1998 I wasn’t feeling well and I went to the doctor. I assumed that it was something as innocuous as lack of exercise or early menopause. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It was cancer—leukemia. I began chemo immediately and did two rounds of 6 months each before they told me that my only hope was a bone marrow transplant. The transplant was successful. But the extensive chemo before the transplant was ototoxic (toxic to the inner ear). Within 6 months my hearing diminished rapidly. I now have only 15% to 20% of my hearing. I am functionally deaf. What I once prayed for (deaf people can’t stutter) now is my reality. Hearing aids do help, but they are uncomfortable and amplify everything. Another life lesson: hearing is infinitely more important than stuttering.

I rarely talk about my "life lessons" with people because I’ve discovered that they immediately want to feel sorry for me. There is nothing to feel sorry about. I’ve been told I have horrible luck but I really don’t look at it that way. I’m not angry at anybody. Nor am I pissed at God. My life, though a series of unfortunate happenings, has been and is wonderful. I have been fortunate enough have loved and been loved. I’m a mom to two wonderful little boys, I live in a rambling 1860 farmhouse and I have two dogs that think I walk on water. What more could a woman want? (Okay, winning the lottery would be nice...)

I have written this for a very specific reason: I want to tell stutterers that you need to put your stuttering into perspective. I know, from experience, that it isn’t easy, nor will it happen overnight. But if you allow yourself to concentrate on your whole life (and your whole person) rather than simply your stuttering, you will be able to put your stuttering into perspective.

I have known many stutterers and it truly upsets me when they have told me that because of their stuttering they have little or no social life or are in a dead-end job when they are capable of so much more. I know that the big problem is how others perceive your stuttering. I fully and completely understand this, BUT I also know that how you perceive your stuttering significantly impacts their perception.

I recently watched an Oprah segment about aging and the emotional effect it has upon women. The show had interviewed one particular woman who was very attractive, educated, well-spoken, and quickly approaching 48. She was absolutely terrified of growing old. She felt she was losing her ‘edge’ and that people would look at her differently and treat her differently simply because she was "old." She was so obsessed with growing old that she had lost all her joy for life. I wonder if she had thought about what the alternative was—death. You either grow old and you’re dead. Not much of a choice, but those are the only two choices. Stuttering is much the same. There is no magic cure for stuttering, nor none in the foreseeable future, so your choices are: death, deaf or stutter. Hands down, I’ll take the last one.

I often play a little game with myself. I call it "Which is worse?" It is simply a series of mental questions to remind me of my life lessons and the importance of perspective. Sample questions: Which is worse? A rude operator who has no tolerance at all for your stuttering or sitting on the floor of the tub and pulling out handfuls of your hair after chemotherapy? Blocking in a restaurant while trying to order or hearing from the doctor you’ve just miscarried? I also have silly questions, but you get the point. When I’ve had a bad day, that may or may not have ANYTHING to do with stuttering, I still play this game with myself. It helps me remember what is really important and puts things into perspective.

I urge you to remember your life lessons and to find your perspective. Life lessons do not have to be cataclysmic--they just have to be yours.

National Stuttering Association

The South Central Minnesota chapter of the National Stuttering Association met on Thursday, January 15, from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. The meeting was held on the MSU campus in Armstrong Hall room 103J. Present group members at this meeting included Preston from St. Peter, Todd from Mankato, and Judy from New Ulm. Also present were two communication disorders students, Leisa and Mary from Mankato.

Preston read the opening words. After introductions, the group discussed participating in a panel for an undergraduate stuttering class for either the March or April meeting. It was agreed by those present to participate in the panel. Other members of the group will be informed.

Next the meeting was opened to questions from the students. The first question concerned if and how stuttering had affected the members' careers. The responses were yes and no. One member indicated liking his job, but that interviewing differently may have given him different options. The next question requested members to name people who stutter who they look up to. The role models listed included Jack Welch and John Stossel for their abilities to achieve greatness. Next a question was raised about members' reasons for attending NSA meetings. The reasons included the fact that there is nobody else to talk to about stuttering, it's a place with understanding on the topic, friends have been made in the group, it's therapeutic, and a place for natural interaction. The next questions considered change in members' stuttering in the past five years and possible change in the next five years. In the past five years, stuttering had changed as part of therapy. For one, the change included stuttering more, but not hiding it anymore; he hopes for future improvement. Another indicated that there hadn't been change, but for the future he expects his stuttering to vary as it currently does. The final question was, "feel the fear and do it anyway; what does this mean to you?" Members discussed that the fear is the problem and how being comfortable with yourself makes your listener comfortable with you.

After the questions, the group played the POWERR game from the SFA in order to evaluate its usefulness with adults. The game involved responding to statements or questions from cards in ways that were either "powerful" (positive, good attitude) or "powerless" (negative, detrimental). It was determined that the game was flexible in that it could be appropriate for adolescents and adults, but some of the statements were difficult to respond to and would be too difficult for pre-teens. Additionally, it could be adapted to fit the needs of a particular client or group by choosing statements without the game board. It was thought-provoking and a good way to practice skills without specifically stating that as the goal.

Later the group was given short item from On The Lighter Side on the Stuttering Home Page.. Each person read aloud or re-told the story to the group.

Snacks were provided by Leisa and Mary. Todd read the closing words.

Preston agreed to prepare an activity for the next meeting which will be held in Armstrong Hall, on the MSU, Mankato campus on February 24, 2004. Check in 103 AH in the Communication Disorders office for the room number. The March meeting was tentatively set for March 18, 2004. Anyone receiving these minutes is invited to attend. Call 507-389-5840 if you need directions.

Al Gore invented the Internet and emails for people who stutter

This is a cut and paste:

Subject: [SLPtalk] 14 year old with occassional stuttering

My friend's son is 14 and has an occassional stutter. She is wondering what to do to help him. It'd serious enough that when he answers the phone he says "bruce here" rather than saying "hello" because H is one of the letters that he more frequently stutters on. He manages to hide his stuttering from most people by appearing to be shy and not talking much.

Should she take him for a speech therapy evaluation? If so, is there any specialty that she should be looking for in the SLP's background? Or ask the school district to evaluate? Or maybe join Toastmasters or take a "learning to give Speeches" class?

Reply:
I think he would benefit from therapy. The child seems to be affected in
his behavior, affective and cognitive aspects of stuttering. He is avoiding
words and situations because he has issues that come along with his speech.
When interviewing a Speech Pathologist about stuttering therapy, ask about
their experience and philosophy of stuttering behaviors. How many clients
have they worked with before? Do they address the behavioral, cognitive and
affective components of stuttering?

They also need to look at his language production. Do complex linguistic structures tend to be a factor in his stuttering behavior? The school district can help but then there is time taken away from his classes. If he has an independent therapist working with a school therapist many situations can be incorporated into therapy that will help him in his fluency progress.

Good luck with your friend. I am sure there are many issues that may affect this child's communication that can be addressed by a competent, licensed SLP.



Question 2:
Do you have to write a speech and say it in front of the class in any of the speech language pathology classes...isn't Speech 101 like that? do you even have to take Speech 101? Oh God...I'm so confused...help me LOL!

Answer 2:
Every college is different. But if you don't like speaking in front of groups, don't go in the field. You will find yourself doing some speaking in front of groups-even if it is for an inservice for your school-some presentation where you work.

And don't tell me you can't do it. I am a person that stutters and does it. You may not feel comfortable doing it. and you may dread it. But actually public speaking is a skill everyone can use for any type of job you want. If you are really afraid of it, try and do it. I understand your fear-but you can conquer it. If you are in college or just starting college, the best skills you can get are:, writing skills, public speaking skills and computer skills. Almost every job requires them.

Answers to FAQ on stuttering. Stuttering defined (but not solved)

Did you ever have questions about stuttering? Here are our answers to a few commonly asked questions.

What is Stuttering?

Stuttering is a speech disorder characterized by frequent repetitions and/or prolongations of speech sounds, syllables or words, or the inability to start a word. The disruption of speech may be accompanied by distracting sounds, muscular tension, facial grimaces, movement of extremities and head movements such as turning away and poor eve contact. A person who stutters may fear speaking an express frustration and shame. They may use hand gestures to communicate or avoid words and/or situations, such as, speaking on the telephone or before a group of people.

Who Stutters?

It is estimated that over 60 million people in the world stutter and over three million Americans stutter. Stuttering affects people of all ages. 'These behaviors most often occur when children are between the age of two and five, when they begin to combine words and are rapidly developing speech and language. Many young children outgrow stuttering. However, many in this age range do not and far fewer outgrow it that is beyond the age of five. Stuttering affects more males than females and tends to run in families.

What Causes Stuttering?

Although researchers suspect a variety of causes, the exact cause of stuttering is unknown. At present, doctors and speech-language pathologists at the University of Illinois are working together to support evidence that genetics plays an important role in the disorder. n order to find the gene or genes for stuttering, they are obtaining blood samples from numbers of selected families where more than one individual has ever stuttered. Anyone interested in this study should contact Dr. Nicoline Ambrose at (217) 244-2259, nambrose@uluc.ed,Fax: (217) 244-2235.

How is Stuttering Diagnosed and Treated?
A speech-language pathologist will obtain a history of the disorder and a speech sample as well as examine speech and language abilities. This evaluation will vary according to the person’s age.

There is no cure for stuttering, but a variety of methods may help decrease the frequency and severity of the disorder. Early intervention is recommended for children who stutter and can be effective in eliminating the speech disorder. For the adolescent and adult, therapy can improve their ability to communicate and their confidence as a speaker.

When you stutter and people laugh, smile and laugh with them

"You stutter, you don't like it, but there are much worse things in life, believe me. One day you will realize the insignificance of stuttering and the true meaning of life"

I must have gotten that from somewhere, but that's my personal quote. My other advice on how to deal with (or manage) stuttering:

When you stutter and people laugh at you, don't forget your sense of humor and laugh with them. Ask them whether they know any one who stutters.

When people try to imitate your stuttering behavior, laugh and tell them that they are really good at stuttering.

When you are discovered as a stutterer, don't be afraid to be who you are.

When you tell people that you stutter and they don't believe you, try some voluntary stuttering and demonstrate that there is nothing to be ashamed of. People may be ashamed of your stuttering, but you don't have to be ashamed of yourself.

When you stutter, maintain eye contact with the listener and finish what you want to say, absolutely try to RESIST time pressure. Finish your sentence even after the listener already finished your sentence (or spoke for you). For example:

Stutterer: My name is...........Mi..Mi...Mi....Mi.........
Patience has a limit listener: Mike?
Stutterer: Mi.....Mi.....Mi....Mike. Mike is my name, good guess.

Other, better, more powerful web journals

Web journals like Joshua Marshall's have become indispensable this campaign season: They mobilize supporters, question traditional media coverage and feed the insatiable appetites of political junkies.

A powerful new networking tool for the politically plugged-in and hangers-on, the constant online chatter broadens campaign discourse and accelerates the news cycle.

Such journals, known as blogs, may not be doing much to sway undecided voters, but analysts say they strongly impact the media, campaign consultants and activists.

"A blog's not going to have the same reach as a Washington Post or USA Today or an AP article," said Cameron Barrett, a longtime blogger now with Wesley Clark (news - web sites)'s campaign. "But it does have reach, and people consistently go to online blogs to find information that traditional media ignore."

Consider Marshall, who raised $4,500 from readers and lit out for New Hampshire, laptop in hand. Marshall believes blogs can collectively be as influential as talk radio; his daily audience is about 45,000, comparable to a medium-sized newspaper.

From a Howard Dean rally Tuesday, the morning after the one-time favorite placed third in Iowa's caucuses, Marshall described the subdued tone of both the candidate and his supporters.

In the evening, he remarked on Sen. John Kerry coughing repeatedly during an informal Q&A, and on Wednesday, Marshall published a transcript of his recent interview with George Soros, a billionaire financier who wants President Bush unseated.

Blogs are collections of links and ideas, usually frequently updated. Their most recent entries are on top, and readers can generally post comments. Blogs are increasingly popular, and the software behind them gets friendlier to use by the day.

For Marshall, who has written for such print publications as The American Prospect, blogs let him mix news, opinion and personal observations with no meddling from an editor.

His postings, at TalkingPointsMemo.com, are often written in real time before the event he's chronicling is even over. Readers get a sense of being there.

Some blogs, like The Command Post, seek to be objective aggregators of news. But many make no such pretense.

Dean campaign staffer Allison Stuntz filed frequent pro-Dean dispatches from a press bus in Iowa, while Kerry's blogmeister, Dick Bell, made arrangements for staffers and volunteers in New Hampshire to submit items — pro-Kerry, of course.

Traditional news outlets, Bell said, typically don't have the space or broadcast air time to follow campaigns as extensively as political junkies might like. That's where blogs take over, aggregating items from multiple sources.

Campaigns count on them to recruit activists — and contributors.
Though only 10 percent of visitors to Kerry's site check out the blog, Bell said, those people tend to linger longer.

Alongside campaign blogs are unofficial ones, including ninedwarfs.com run by a conservative, Kevin Schmidt, who has traveled throughout Iowa to poke fun at the Democratic field.

Some news organizations, including The New Republic, have their own blogs, while many independent bloggers devote themselves to slinging barbs at news organizations, occasionally encouraging readers to e-mail or phone reporters about perceived biases or inaccuracies.

Individual blogs even target specific reporters, including Jodi Wilgoren of The New York Times.

"I guess I'm missing something here, but why the hell is it any of our business what role Mrs. Dean plays in Gov. Dean's political life?," reads one post on The Wilgoren Watch, its author commenting on Wilgoren's story about Dean's wife.

Wilgoren has signed up for e-mail notification of new postings and takes such criticisms in stride.

"I do read it," she said. "I'm interested in everybody's feedback about my work."

Some analysts have their doubts about blogs, however.

Larry Purpuro, coordinator of the Republicans' e.GOP Project in 2000, said many bloggers were little more than "armchair analysts in their bathrobes (with) no serious interest in leaving their living rooms to actually help the campaigns."

On the Net:

The Command Post: http://www.command-post.org/2004/2004_print.html

The Wilgoren Watch: http://wilgorenwatch.blogspot.com

Dean speech parody:

http://homepage.mac.com/lileks/.Public/Yeagh.mp3

I can type so fluently and Fearfulness Quotations

Like I said, this is not a quote page. This is just an online journal. I am one of six billion and I happen to stutter.

Fearfulness Quotations:

Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.
- Dr. David M. Burns

Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them.
- Marilyn Ferguson

It is when power is wedded to chronic fear that it becomes formidable.
- Eric Hoffer The Passionate State of Mind

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
- Eric Hoffer

Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.
- Michael Pritchard

Let the fear of danger be a spur to prevent it; he that fears not, gives advantage to the danger.
- Francis Quarles

Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.
- Bertrand Russell

Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
- George Sewell

The fear of death is more to be dreaded than death itself.
- Publilius Syrus Maxims

Fear not those who argue but those who dodge.
- Marie Ebner von Eschenbach Aphorisms

If you are here by accident, please excuse me and don't expect anything

Oh, I can type so fluently on the keyboard. This is just a place for me where I can type, nothing interesting or special. This is not a jokes or quotes page, there are other sites. I have some good stuttering quotes, but don't expect anything. When you expect the worst, the worst always happens (self-fulfilling prophecy). When you expect nothing, you won't be disappointed.

This is a stuttering journal about me just for me. This is not a recovery from stuttering journal. Do I and will I ever be a recovered stutterer? Maybe in a few years down the road. But the more important question is: will I be superman if I don't stutter.

Maybe one day I will share this with other people who stutter. There was a site called www.mystuttering.com, and I thought about writing my thoughts there.
MyStuttering.com provides a medium where stutterers, former stutterers, and non-stutterers alike can freely communicate their thoughts, support one another and educate the general public about stuttering.

There should be subgroups of stutterers (different types like covert, overt). I have to admit, stuttering is a really complex disorder that is hard and difficult to understand and comprehend. It takes a stutterer to know another stutterer. There was a story where a stutterer drove 3 hours to meet with another person just to talk. The man has been married for 15 years and his wife doesn't know that he stutters. Sound incredible and unbelieveable. I believe the story and I think I know why.

Gung hay fat choy!

Happy Chinese New Year. The Year of the Monkey. I was born in 1980 and I am a monkey. Boy, shit, I had a really rough day, but tomorrow is tomorrow and tomorrow is another beautiful day.

Another Sheehan quote:

"Stuttering is a communication problem, not a speech problem."

My comment: I would say that stuttering is a speech problem that can negatively affect communication. People speak to communicate.

stuttering>speech problem>communication problem>all problems

Stuttering is a speech problem for some people. People who stutter often have a speech problem and a communication problem (disfluent and lacking good communication skills). Many people don't know how to communicate with other people, not just People who stutter. Communication involves the speaker and the listener. Half of communication is listening. Your body language and nonverbal gestures are also important in communication.

Of course, good communication does not only mean fluency or the ability to talk fluently and flawlessly, but fluency does help indeed (because stuttering can be a distraction to the listener and the speaker). For example, I am often so ashamed of my stuttering that I only focus and pay attention to my blocks and my listener's reactions. Also, I think over and over in my head what I am going to say and changing words that might give me trouble (rehearse, rehearse, and over rehearse exactly what I am going to say when I open my mouth).

One possible solution would be to accept yourself as a stutterer who sometimes stutter and accept your stuttering and nondysfluencies. That would mean reducing your fears (words, people, situations) and avoidance behaviors. You have to feel comfortable about yourself and your stuttering (make joke about your speech problem?) if you ever expect others to accept and feel comfortable when you do stutter severely.

Stuttering is a complex listener<>speaker dynamic. Why do you not stutter when you whisper?

Bob Quesal talks about stuttering

Click on the title to go to Dr. Robert Quesal's writing on stuttering.

Here is the cut and paste section that I liked:

I wanted to share a story that many of you may have already read or heard.

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn’t see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one."

The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I’m afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all of the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand stutterers. Why do they seem so similar yet so different, why does therapy work for some and not others, why are there so many different ideas about stuttering? Basically, what makes stutterers tick?"

The genie considered for a few seconds and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"

what is stuttering?

This is a good brief explanation of what is stuttering:

Stuttering is a disorder of fluency characterized by various behaviors that interfere with the forward flow of speech. While all individuals are disfluent to some extent, on the surface what differentiates stutterers from nonstutterers is the frequency of their disfluency and/or the severity of their disfluency. However, the other factor that differentiates stutterers from nonstutterers is that almost invariably the disfluencies that the stutterer regards as “stutters” are accompanied by a feeling of loss of control. It is this loss of control, which can’t be observed or experienced by the listener, that is most problematic for the stutterer.

This is a good suggestion:

Williams’ solution to this dilemma was to ask clients to talk about stuttering without using the words “stuttering” or “it.” This would require the client to use more descriptive language, but initially that descriptive language may be animistic in nature. For example, instead of saying “I stuttered” the client might say “my throat locked” or “my tongue got stuck.” To deal with this, Williams said that we have to emphasize the total process of speaking. Our clients have to know and describe what people do when they talk, and what our clients do when they talk. The goal of therapy, then, becomes not one of “getting rid of stuttering” or “improving stuttering” but of doing more and more of the things that nonstutterers do when they talk. Williams also pointed out the importance of having clients become better observers of “fluent” speech. Not only is fluency important, but other factors like rate, rhythm, and inflection are important as well. And all these things vary in different speakers. By having clients observe speech and speakers in this way, it was possible for the stutterer to develop a different, perhaps broader, understanding of his own speech, and to focus on the many things involved in talking, rather than just focusing on fluency or the lack thereof.

Anytime you don't want anything you get it

"Anytime you don't want anything you get it" by Calvin Coolidge

My comment: the quote is self-explanatory, Coolidge must have been President

Nothing special today. I did purchase two stuttering videos today and I will probably show it at the East Bay meeting next month. The hard part is getting people to show up at all.

Within a week or so, I will be able to watch "No Words to Say" NTSC VHS (54 min.) and "Joseph G. Sheehan's Message to a Stutterer" NTSC VHS (34 min)

The weather is getting better. I think I have survived the worst of winter time weather. If you stutter, you should definitely check out http://www.wiu.edu/users/mfrwq/nsp98.html and read Quesal's story.

John Kerry won the Iowa battle but will not win the war

Kerry, Edwards, then Dean at the Iowa caucus. Howard Dean will likely win the Democratic presidential nomination, but it doesn't matter. Bush is going to win re-election and nobody remembers the losers (e.g. Bob Dole, Al Gore).

When I had (free) cable, I used to like watching Pardon the Interruption (PTI) and around the horn hosted by Max Kellerman. Now, I don't have cable television anymore, but I have been watching the chinese channel. Chinese tv series at night, it can become addictive. I also watch Jeopardy (old favorite), pbs, and local news.

I don't think I will go to SF tomorrow night, maybe next month. Tomorrow is a beautiful day no matter what.

cold cold shower tonight

There was no hot water today and I had to take a cold shower tonight. Taking a cold shower did not feel good, I felt cold. I like taking hot showers even when the weather is hot. I didn't even try to get a good shower (wash entire body) because it was so cold. Hopefully, there will be hot water tomorrow or very soon

Here is a good quote

"All Progress Occurs Because People Dare to Be Different" by Harry Millner

My comment: !% of the population stuters, the other 99% does not stutter. People who stutter just speak differently. Stuttering is a different way of talking.

Okay, I am going to bed. I get to sleep late tomorrow morning.

Click here for more books on stuttering

This week's recap:

Eating no meat is the right thng to do, but it is not always the easiest thing to accomplish and maintain. It will be very hard for me to be a vegetarian. The plan right now is to be vegetarian/seafood eating 50% of the time and 50% meat eating. I know that one of my resolutions this year is to work towards CTM. But achieving CTM in TM this year is going to difficult. Doing baby steps is good, so right now the goals is to do five speeches for the next six month.

For the month of January, I am 3 for 3. It will be 4 for 4 if I go to the SF chapter meeting. On Wednesday night, I went down to SJ for their NSA chapter meeting. There were 8 people present. That was good because the East Bay only had 2 people. At the meeting, they mentioned that some people who stutter have business cards that stutter. This is a joke, but for example:

Dr. J-J-J-J-oe Smith
Stuttering University
Stutterville, ST 97026

Professional Stutterer (mild, moderate, severe, very severe)
Specialize in silent blocks, whole and part word repetitions, prolongatons, and all secondary behaviors.

On Thursday, I had to meet with two sales representatives and I totally blocked on a word. I remember the word is illegally. That's too bad. I probably should have somehow worked the fact that I am a stutterer in the beginning. It is hard because stuttering is hidden most of the time. On Friday, I had fish sticks with fries for lunch. Today, I woke up at 8:45. This morning, I was at TM. TM was held at a buffet restaurant today because of new officers installation. I thought the food this morning was good. Two things I don't like about TM is that they do "I pledge of allegiance to the flag of the United States of America" thing at the start of every meeting and the amount of responsibility you have if you become an officer. But TM is still good. I mean, they haven't kicked me out yet because I stutter. Stutterer are still people.

This afternoon, I was at the CSUH library reading journals on stuttering. I remember starting reading about stuttering in 2002. First, I went to the psychology library. They had some books on stuttering but CSUH has more books and journals on stuttering because they have a communicative sciences and disorders department (and Berkeley don't). The Journal of fluency disorders is all about stuttering. I subscribe, but the subscription rate is like $200 per year.

Alright, that is enough for today. To be honest, I am getting a little sick of blogging. There are six bilion people in the world, and my life is not very interesting.

Sharing the Journey

I usually don't buy many books, I like to go to bookstores and check out books from the local public library. However, the next book I am going to purchase is a book by Lon Emerick called Sharing the Journey: Lessons from my Students and Clients with Tangled Tongues

The reason: A rollicking, often poignant look at a former university professor's journey through life. This delightful journey is highlighted by 10 maxims or guidelines for good living, gleaned from students, clients and colleagues, illustrated from the author's experiences as a severe stutterer in his youth, encountered during a long career in the Alice in Wonderland world of academic life, including 30 years at Northern Michigan University, as a speech therapist, in a variety of unusual jobs to finance an education, and from a life-long immersion in nature, the greatest teacher.

About the Author: Lon L. Emerick is a Professor Emeritus of Northern Michigan University, after a long career teaching university students in speech pathology and audiology. A severe stutterer until receiving therapy in his college years, he then specialized in stuttering therapy, rehab after strokes, and counseling with parents of young children who were non-fluent.

fortune cookie quotes

Two fortune cookie quotes:

luck is coming your way

don't let friends impose on you

My comment: not true and no comment

Just like some Chinese dishes were invented by people in America, I believe fortune cookies were invented in America. Acutally I am not sure, but it could be true.

The Chinese built the railroads in California during the 19th century.
Sometimes I feel like a chinese railroad worker in the 21st century.

Thomas Carlyle quote

Here is my once a day quote. I am getting a little tired of this once a day quote thing, but I will keep going.

Thomas Carlyle is an historian. He said: "a stammering man is never a worthless one...It is an excess of delicacy, excess of sensibility to the presence of his fellow-creature, that makes his stammer."

My comment: good quote, I always wondered why I DON'T STUTTER when I am ALONE and talking to myself???

Nobody showed up at the meeting tonight

I am disappointed, but I was not surprised.

Nobody showed at the meeting tonight. What do I say, the East Bay chapter of the NSA is not doing well (nobody shows up).

Maybe I will call a few people and see what's up.

I think I will start becoming a part time vegetarian, it is too hard to be a full time vegetarian. So 50% of the time, eating meat is okay, but try to eat no meat the other 50% of the time.

famous people who stutter

Because this is a stutterer's jouranl, I should mention that Winston Churchill and James Earl Jones were mentioned at TM training.

James Earl Jones does TV commercials and he is of course famous for doing the voice of Darth Vader in the Star Wars movie. He has a book called Voices and Silences. That would be a book on my future readings list. Winston Churchill is a famous speaker, known for his speech on the Iron Curtain and for rallying the British during WWII.

There is some dispute whether Churchill was really a stutterer. Because how can he be a great public speaker if he stutters? I don't know because I never heard Churchill speak, but definitely check out www.stuttersfa.org and http://www.stuttersfa.org/celebrit.htm.

my so called stuttering life and I can't turn back the hands of time

A stutterer's journal is about my life. My life is not just stuttering, but my life is pretty sad and really boring. Stuttering is one of my ten biggest problems, but it is not my biggest problem. I guess my biggest problem is facing my own future and forgetting about the past. My biggest problem is that I cannot turn back the hands of time. I like to think about the past and see how much I can remember. I dream about lots of people in my dreams, but when I wake up, I remember very little about my dream. I wish I remember more about my dreams.

Everyday when I wake up, I have to face the reality and me. I look in the mirror and see me and remember the past. I really don't know what to do, I wish I had amnesia and don't remember anything about me. That would be nice.

Anyway, I got a crew hair cut on Saturaday. I don't need a haircut because I already have very short hair. I wanted a haircut because no hair means no worries. I worry a lot. I worry all the time, and I am afraid I will go bald soon. I guess I will go completely bald when I start losing hair.

I had salad with french dressing for dinner today. I had cereal and french toast for breakfast and lunch. I slept and watched some sports in the afternoon. I have been renting dvd's from ehit.com for about three month. I watched phone booth and I am watching the sum of all fears right now. Phone booth was okay, Forrest Whitaker is old but you can still see his baby face. I used to watch Dawson's Creek. Katie Holmes played Colin Farrel's mistress. I thought Katie Holmes was really cute, too bad she is engaged and getting married to Chris Klein. I used to like girl who is a lesbian.

I stuttered on Saturday and did not stutter on Sunday.Saturaday was a busy day. I wanted to wake at 7:30 AM, but only got up at 8:30 AM. So I was late. I was late for TM training. It was my first training, and I am glad I was there eventhough I was late for the first class. It was better that I attended rather than missed out (avoidance?) The training was held at Diablo Valley College in Pleasant Hills. I thought it was funny when they announced that the TM spring conference in May is going to held at UC Berkeley at the People's Republic of Berkeley. Whatever....

At TM training, I recalled learning that making a speech in front of an audience is 70% body language, 20% voice, and 10% content. I guess when you talke on the phone, it is 70% voice, 30% content, and 0% body language. When you instant message online, it must be 100% content. I think I can always improve on my body language, even if I can't improve my voice. I realize that my stuttering can sometimes make communication with others difficult for me, but I always remember that you can become a more effective communicator even if you do stutter once in a while.

I don't know if I can enjoy finishing watching the sum of all fears. Ben Affleck is definitely worse than Matt Damon. Today was a beautiful day and tomorrow is Monday, the 12th of January.

fortune cookie quote

I eat chinese fortune cookies and I am always interested in the message inside:

"You must learn day by day to broaden your horizon."

This is an okay quote.

Fluent speech is good, but stuttering is okay

I used to tell people that the world is not stutter friendly.

I guess I wanted an environment where stuttering is acceptable and stuttering is okay.

But it is hard to create an environment which allows for stuttering, anywhere.

Basically stuttering is not good and undesirable. No body really wants to stutter. If there is a pink pill that can make stuttering go away forever and ever, every person who stutters will take it.

There is no cure for stuttering, a stutterer once said that stuttering will be cured when the society is cured.

Where are the WMD?

Where are the WMD?
Looks like Bush is going to win, that's too bad. 4 more years of Bush.

From today's fortune cookie: "With ambition and hard work, one can reach any goal."

My comment: true quote, with hard work, one can reach almost any goal. Note that I said almost any goal.

Tonight was a busy night. So I made it to Sac today. I almost gave up today, but the Sac NSA meeting only met once a month. Sac is really too far, but I am glad that I made it to the Sac NSA meeting. I remember my first Sac NSA meeting was July 2002, that was during the summer. I don't know when I will be back to the Sac meeting again. Maybe in a few month. Good to see some old friends and new people, older people who stutter that gave me SUPPORT in the past. There were 5 people at the meeting. The meeting ran from 7 to 9 PM. It was interesting that even people who don't have very severe stutters say that they FEAR the phone. They AVOID talking on the phone. I think almost all stutterers have some FEAR of the phone, including me of course. I had several silent blocks tonight, but that is just the way I talk. That is just the way I talk. i don't feel too bad.

Driving to Sac was not as fun as I thought it would be, becasue I was tired. I listened to my new (old) CD that I just bought, that was helpful because it was a long drive. I had MacDonald happy meals for dinner. I did drive through and was able to communicate using my voice that I wanted a cheeseburger happy meal. I don't think ordering through fast food drive is a feared situation anymore. It wasn't that bad in the past, so I just need to NOT AVOID. Avoidance is the root of stuttering, at least that is the case for me.

I liked her because she was nice to me

I think I know why I liked her. This is the truth: I wanted to talk to her because I thought she was good looking, but I liked her (and wanted to get to know her) because she was nice and always polite. I hope one day I can tell her that I liked her not just because she was good looking, but that she was nice to me. I thought maybe that she cared about me a little bit.

Sure, I s-s-s-stutter, what are you good at?

Sure, I s-s-s-stutter, what are you good at?
What are you good at?

I am good at stuttering, I have a great memory. I am good at remembering people's names. I am good at emailing people. When I talk, I have something good to say. I am a really good listener when I want to be a good listener. I would like and believe that I am better than the average person.

Thomas Jefferson quotes

Fact: Stuttering is bad, fluency is good.

It would be nice if more famous people admit that they stutter or discuss their stuttering past. For example, Bruce Willis stutterered during his teenage years, and he turned to acting because acting on the stage helped him become more fluent. It takes a stutterer to know one. I know how bad stuttering can be because I am a stutterer. Stuttering needs to be talked about in the general public, that's the only way stuttering will be more acceptable. For example, some people would not have such a negative attitude towards stuttering if they knew that Marilyn Monroe had a mild stutter and that Bruce Willis stuttered.

The stuttering foundation of America likes to publish a list of famous stutterers (e.g. Winston Churchhill). Some people thought that Thomas Jefferson had a mild stutter. Maybe that can serve some inspiration to young people who stutter that you can do anything you want, even be the President of the United States. I guess stutterers can tell people that Thomas Jefferson stuttered. Stuttering is not who you are, it is something you do. On the other hand, stuttering can sometimes be a serious handicap. For some people, stuttering is a minor problem, for some, stuttering can be so bad and can control their life. Anyway, here are Jefferson's quotes:

1. Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.

2. Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.

3. One man with courage is a majority.

Nothing special today. Sure, I stuttered but I stutter everyday. I had peking spareribs and rice for dinner. Took a walk around Shattuck. Watched some tv on the chinese channel at night. I thought about my imaginery friend and how that friend is doing.

I believe I am getting over my cold pretty soon. Plan to go to Sacramento tomorrow night for NSA meeting. Hope to make it, but won't feel too bad if the traffic is too bad and have to give up. Sometimes, I think about cheating by driving in the carpool lane, but I don't want to get caught. I guess another new year's resolution for me is to attend more NSA meetings because they are beneficial.

I have observed that people who stutter really likes to talk given the opportunity. It takes a stutterer to know another stutterer. I know why people who stutter like to talk, but they are often so afraid that they hold back when interacting with normal speakers. Given the opportunity to talk, a stutterer will talk, talk, and talk. At NSA meetings, the severity of stuttering does make a difference. I always felt that those with mild stuttering talk the most, and that those with severe stuttering problem don't talk or don't show up at all (because they don't get to talk at the meetings anyway). That's too bad, because the purpose of NSA meetings is so that everyone can talk and participate regardless of the severity of their stuttering.

It is hard for people to imagine, but even the most severe stutterer can be understood if you are just a little patient. Seriously, I never had problem communicating with 99% of all stutterers I have met and I know some real severe stutterers. I know it is kind of funny for me to comment about other severe stutterers because sometimes my stuttering can be so severe that I am unable to say the word (It was terribly embarrassing at the time, but that's life). Anyway, I never had any problems understanding another stutterer, except one time when I had some real difficulty understanding a guy from New York. But of course, I was nice and tried to pretend that I understood everything he said. That was more than a year ago. I have a good memory.

2004 is going to be terrific because I have amnesia and I don't remember the past

All new babies are born good, some grow up and become bad. But a bad person does not have to be bad forever, he can change and be good again.

Here is my once a day quote and my comments. I hope to do this every time I post. Please share your favorite quotes with me.

"The only way you can tell stutterers from non-stutterers is when they open their mouths to speak."

-- Joseph G. Sheehan, Ph.D.

Comment: I agree, I would add that you can only tell whether or not a person is a stutterer if you ask them. Why? Because everyone stutters once in a while. Unless the stuttering is very severe and constant at first, you can't really tell. I have met people who are perfectly fluent 99% of the time, but they say stuttering is a problem for them, especially when talking on the phone.

Forget the past and focus on the present

Today was a sunny and beautiful day. It is freezing right now, but during the day, the temperature was warm and the sun was out. I watched some football games today, fell asleep, listened to some new and old music, and watched TV. I watched some video (Harold Starbuck Therapy in action) on stuttering. I think I will sleep late tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is another beautiful day.

Looking ahead to the 2004 election, I hope Bush lose. I don't vote, but Bush is bad luck for the economy. Bush loves oil, he tried to dig up some oil in Texas but failed. He tried to run a sports franchise and failed. He is a failure as a President. History sometimes repeats itself. I see a lot of similarity between big Bush and small Bush.

I was able to wake up this morning. I was afraid that I would oversleep because it is a Saturday. I made it to TM on time this morning. I had a chance for public speaking again. It was short, only two minutes, but it was very worthwhile for me. Sure I stuttered, but I am proud of myself for not letting stuttering (fear and avoidance) rule my life. My table topic was: what do I think that should be done with the homeless problem in this nation. I said, housing, job, counseling, and money. Everything cost money, we simply need to allocate more money towards helping the homeless people.

After TM, I went to the bank. I stuttered a lot and I felt bad at the time. I don't feel bad anymore. I realize that I am going to have bad days and good days. The important thing is that I was able to communicate, although with some trouble and tension. This is all I want, to be able to say what I really want to say. Looking back, I should have slowed my rate of speech down. Better yet, I should have told them that I have a stuttering problem and tell them to bear with me. Advertising my stuttering is helpful and good for desensitizing myself

I ordered ONION RINGS at Carl's Jr. today during lunch. It was good, I told the fast food lady that I wanted the fish sandwich combo, and that I wanted onion rings instead of fries. I felt great (highlight of my day) I was able to say what I want to say. Success begets success.

In the past, I had told people that I am really nervous when speaking. When I was stuttering (blocking), people would ask me if I was nervous. Trying to hide the fact that I am a stutterer, I told them that I was nervous. I would like to be honest with people. I like to tell them that I am not a severe stutterer, but I do have a stuttering problem that makes talking difficult for me sometimes. I tell them that English is my second language but I also stutter when speaking Mandarin Chinese. I have difficulty speaking because I am ESL and/or I stutter.

Here is something I can tell people when I am stuttering and they ask me if I am nervous. This would be true and an honest assessment of my stuttering and why I appear really nervous. I can say: "I look really nervous when I speak because I have a stuttering problem (I am a stutterer and I am really embarrassed about it), I am not stuttering just because because I am nervous. Normal speakers stutter when they are nervous, but the difference is that I am nervous because I am afraid of stuttering. Wouldn't you be nervous if you fear speaking and making a fool of yourself in front of everybody?

2004 New Year's resolution?

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot.

I stuttered today. I didn't stutter too bad and I am not worried about it. I stutter everyday, but everyday is a beatiful day even if the weather really sucks. I think the weather in the Bay area will start to get better in a couple of month.

I guess another new year's resolution for me is to achieve CTM (or come very close) in TM by the end of 2004. A CTM would be a meaningful accomplishment for me and good for my employer to know and good for my resume. Communication is important whatever you do in life. Communication is important even if you are a stutterer. Communication is important even if you hate yourself. Like I said, i don't want to hate myself anymore in 2004, I can always triple the hate in 2005.

Life is terrific because I have amnesia and don't remember past evil deeds

Quote: "Stuttering is not who I am, it is just something I do. I have no control over it."

At http://www.russhicks.com, Russ Hicks said: "Life is terrrrrrrrific!"

I am glad that I started blogging. I don't think I will only talk about stuttering in my journal because I am not just a stutterer. A stutterer stutters, but he or she is not just a stutterer. For example, a teacher teaches, but he/she only teaches 8 hrs a day. I am a stutterer, but I don't just stutter, I am also a hard working lab assistant.

Am I afraid if anyone will see this, probably my family or my relatives whom I don't plan to talk to or see again for a long, long time. I want to live my own life, and they can live their own life. I don't think my supervisor, my coworkers, or people I know will see this, but if they do see it, so be it. I don't think I will talk shit about them too much. Like I said, stuttering.blogspot.com is just for me. I hope I don't get tired of blogging soon

This guy (interpreter) is able to express some of my personal feelings about stuttering and what stuttering is like. http://www.biocom-jp.com/weblog/archives/000120.php

Interpreter: I stutter, which is a funny habit for an interpreter to have. Sometimes I stutter badly, and it can take 10 seconds or so to get the word out, and I make funny choking noises in the process. I usually don't, though. Or rather, I usually don't stutter so that people notice. In fact, I'm stuttering basically every time I open my mouth, even if the person I'm talking to has no idea. How can this be? I'm constantly thinking ahead in the sentence to anticipate which words I will stutter on, and figuring how to get around them. Often I will choose another word in advance, and avoid the landmine that way. Other times I'll change my breathing pattern so that the word begins on slight inbreath, which can mitigate the stutter. Thus, the first syllable of a lot of the words I speak is slurred ever-so-faintly, but not enough for the person I'm talking to to notice unless they're super-perceptive. Once in a while I'll be talking to someone who notices my stutter even though I haven't made any obvious slips, and my regard for their intelligence goes way up.

In this way I think stuttering is like being an alcoholic. They say that you're an alcoholic until the day you die, even if you never have another drink. It's constant presence, a constant shadow. Stuttering is like that. It's something I navigate all the time. The fact that I usually do it so transparently it isn't noticeable to others is immaterial. I'm still stuttering.

The interesting thing about interpreting is that' it's like acting. You enter a totally different frame of mind where your voice basically acts on its own, while your brain is slightly disconnected. You can't think about interpreting when you do it, or else you will suck. Once I get in this zone, I almost never stutter even on sounds that are usually problematic. On the other side, interpreting often requires you to say very specific words in very specific sequences, which nullifies the strategy I usually use of selecting words to avoid certain ones. Usually being in the interpreting mindset alleviates this problem, but sometimes the knowledge of an approaching problematic word is enough to kill my concentration and yank me back to my everyday speech pattern. At this point I'll stutter noticeably, people will wonder that the fuck but be polite, and everything will continue. If that only happens once or twice, I consider myself successful.

Maybe I will introduce myself in the future as "Rick Huang is my name, and I am a recovering stutterer."

I am going to bed now. Tomorrow is another bright and beautiful day.

Life is really too short

This will be a quick entry. I have to wake up at 9AM to attend TM. This journal is just for me. People and strangers might see my journal in the future, and I don't care. Maybe they can learn something interesting about my life, and stuttering. I will occasionally try to make it entertaining. Because this is public, I won't be sharing my ATM password or my secret hatred of certain kinds of people. I can be homophobic and I can be a little racist sometimes.

I was inspired to start a journal by reading about the death of a writer named Dunne (Dunne developed a stutter in his childhood and found it easier to express himself in writing) and http://www.mankato.msus.edu/comdis/isad4/papers/tetnowski.html

Since subscribing to the SF chronicle, I have had the chance to read the obiturary section, death notices of some people I don't know. From the information given, I read about their lives and I think about my life (my dreams?) and what I want to accomplish and do in my life. Life is indeed short. I know I probably won't live past 55, so this means I only have about 30 years to live. 30 years is a long time. I am only 23 now, going to turn 24 in March. Life for me began in 1980, but I would have been happy if life for me began in 2004.

My new year's resolution is to not hate myself. I can always hate myself in 2005. So this means postive thinking and no more negative self talk. Hate is baggage. I have tried to keep a journal in the past. Sometimes I write on my computer, but I wish I write in my journal more often. Maybe doing blogging will help me. This journal is just for me. People say that you should admit to yourself and other people that you stutter, this is called disclosure. You tell people that you are a stutterer, because you disclose for you, and not for other people. Life is too important and too short worrying about what other people think.

I chose stuttering.blogspot.com because I have always felt that stuttering to be a taboo subject. It is like homosexuality, a hush-hush subject. For example, People don't ask/mention/talk about your stuttering (your personal speech problem) because they are afraid to embarrass you, or they don't care. Some people refer to stuttering as the pink elephant in the room that everyone sees but is not talk about. People don't ask about your stuttering just like people don't ask about how much you weigh if you are really fat. I am not making much, sense. I will explain better (to myself) in the future.